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Indecent Proposal
Josh, Being Human
darkqueenmeg wrote in simple_feeling
Title: Indecent Proposal (lol oh god, awful title! but i cant help myself)
Pairing: Kirk/Spock
Rating: PG for this chapter, will become NC-17 eventually....at the very least R
Summary: Spock has a favour to ask Kirk.
Disclaimer: if I owned them, in STIX, Kirk and Spock would've never worn shirts and their pants would've been tighter.



They are on their third game of chess for the evening when Spock catches Jim completely off guard. It is rare to blindside him, especially Spock who's actions are always logical and never spontaneous in the 5 years they have known each other. Later, he will wonder if there was ever a moment in his entire 30 years of life that shocked him as much as this moment did. He will not remember any time in his life that caused his mind to suddenly be completely void of thought due to shock. This moment would go down in history as one of the most unexpected events to ever take place, if only others knew.

"Jim, I have come to consider you an adequate captain and respectable comrade over the time we have known each other. You are greatly esteemed for your courage and intelligence during your time here on the Enterprise," Spock spoke in his almost monotone voice while looking Jim in the eyes. Knowing Spock as he did, Jim knew this was just about the highest compliment one could receive from his first officer.

Jim couldn't help but feel somewhat uncomfortable with this blunt statement and found it hard to make eye contact,"oh well, thanks Spock!I'm not sure what brought that on but-"

"It is also common knowledge among the crew, as well as many inhabitants of the planets and ships we have come into contact with that you have acquired vast knowledge in the area of sexual relations."

Jim couldn't help but give a sharp bark of a laugh while his face became flushed with a mixture of embarrassment and pride, "Wow, um....I don't know what to say to that! I mean....I'm certainly not a virgin but......I mean, sure I like gettin' laid as much as the next guy....if the opportunity strikes!"

"It has been said that you are well acquainted with most areas of sexual intercourse, and that you are an experienced and satisfactory partner."

"Hey now! Only satisfactory? I'm not one to brag-" Spock raised an eyebrow "ok, maybe I am but usually only when I have something worthy of bragging about! I'd say I'm better than sat-"

"Would you teach me?"

"Spock, it's really unlike you to interrupt so much, " Jim chastised. He was about to give Spock a mock lecture on proper conversational etiquette when the question he had been asked finally sunk in.

"wait....what? What did you just say?"

Spock's tone remained steady. "I wondered if you would consider teaching me about sexual intercourse."

Jim made no reply, though his eyes were wide.

"You are the only individual I know currently, who is close at hand, who obtains such knowledge. I have come to understand that you are rather self-assured and comfortable in these areas. As I have yet to acquire this knowledge, I deemed it only logical that I should come to you."

Still, Jim did not respond verbally. He sat motionless, eyes so wide he was surprised they did not pop right out of his head. He looked down at the chessboard confused, stared at it so intently one may have thought he was seeking clarification from it. However, the chess pieces gave none and Jim was forced to look up at his friend.

"Um......so.....what? You want to ask me questions about sex? What do you want to know? It's pretty simple really. I'm surprised you haven't researched it yourself...."

"No, you misunderstand. Perhaps I am not being clear."

"I mean, I'm not sure what you vulcans do exactly, you seem to get off on some hand stroking thing, but otherwise- I mean, humans don't cum from hand holding-I've heard something about that whole seven year thing you've got goin' on - humans tend to be more casual about things than that, and other species - I'm just saying humans are different about this sort of thing than vulcans so......."

Spock waited patiently for Jim to finish, but he wasn't sure how to finish. He wasn't sure that this wasn't some weird and awkward dream he was having. Spock curious about sex? Even though he had seen Spock kiss Uhura that one time, he was still mostly convinced the vulcan was asexual. Shit, did vulcans even have genitalia? Didn't seem like they'd find any logical use for them most of the time.

"I'm not sure I'm the guy for this job. Maybe you should ask a vulcan?"

"I am not asking about the vulcan mating rituals, Jim. I am aware. Not experienced with them first hand, but I am aware."

Mating rituals? well didn't that just sound sexy! Jim thought. Spock looked away from Jim, then down at the chessboard. It was the first time Spock had looked away from him during this weird conversation.

" I am asking for your help" Spock began, speaking slowly and evenly, tilting his head ever so slightly to the right "as an expert, as a friend. If I am to live among humans it is logical to become fully educated in your culture."

Jim sighed "ok, ok. Ask away! What do you want to know?"

Spock stared at Jim blankly and asked nothing.

"Well? You must have a bunch of questions to ask me? I'm sure you've done some research, knowing you. Just don't ask me to draw diagrams!" Jim laughed, then looked up at Spock in mock-horror, "Oh god, you don't have diagrams do you? I'm not going to give you some big anatomy lesson! I'm not gonna point and label everything! You can go run off to Bones for that!"

"I have no interest in approaching Dr. McCoy in regards to this topic, and no, I do not have diagrams I wish you to label."

Spock sighed in what was the closest thing to vulcan exasperation. This startled Jim and he stopped laughing.

"ok, sorry, sorry. So what is it you want to know? I promise, I'll be good! Ask away!"

"I do not want to 'ask' you anything. I want you to 'show' me,"

This is the moment Jim froze in complete and utter shock. He could do nothing but stare at Spock, probably with the dumbest look on his face possible - wide eyes, mouth open, all colour drained from his face. Minutes passed in silence. Spock sat and waited patiently for any kind of response, hands clasped neatly in his lap. Finally, when Jim's eyes began to water and his vision blurred from lack of blinking, Spock spoke again.

"I would appreciate it very much if you would be willing to show me, from first hand experience......I understand it is an odd request, but as you have come to be my closest confidant...."Spock paused and waited to see if there was any response from his captain. There was none.

"I am aware that the majority of your conquests have been female, I am uncertain if any have been male-"

"There have been a few," Jim admitted breaking his shock induced silence, "the odd one here and there."

Spock nodded, accepting the information, "Well I suppose that experience would be beneficial to me then, if you were willing to accept this proposal, as I have none."

Jim finally inhaled and sat back slowly in his chair, raking a hand back through his hair and noticing it came out slightly damp with sweat.

"so, am I to understand that you have never had sex then?" Jim asked, but before Spock could respond he continued "No of course you haven't. It's not really logical I guess for you, huh? Not being married and tryin' for kids right?"

"Yes, that is correct" Spock agreed.

"I guess I don't see why-wait! So you and Uhura never....?"

"That is correct." Spock stated simply.

"Wow, I can't imagine havin' the opportunity and not jumping on it- I mean, have you looked at her?" Jim asked incredulously.

"Yes, I have been visually aware of Lt. Uhura's physical presence on many occasions. Engaging in a sexual relationship with her was not relevant," Spock stated, then quietly added "at least, not to me."

Jim's mouth formed a silent 'oh', as this new information finally gave him an understanding of what exactly had caused that little romance to end.

"So, why does this seem relevant now? I'm not trying to pry but-whatever. You're asking me to get naked with you, so maybe I sorta have the 'green light' to ask- Why do you want to do this now?" Jim asked confused but genuinely interested.


Spock merely shrugged his shoulders, "It has been made aware to me that humans - full humans- deem this to be an important matter. If I am to live among you-"

"oh shut up, seriously! Enough of this logical-getting-to-know-your-human-lifestyle crap! What's the real reason?" Jim demanded, slamming his fist down on the table, knocking the chess pieces over on the board. Leaning forward, he waited for the answer.

Spock sat back in his chair and stared out the window for a moment. Jim cleared his throat in order to get his attention, and Spock looked back at him.

"I suppose....perhaps I have succumb to some of your base human qualities."

"Meaning what?" Jim implored, "Ya horny?" he smiled a devilish grin.

"Meaning I am curious."

Jim laughed as he began to collect the chess pieces off the board and fold it up.

"The individuals on board this ship seem to find it a very important and satisfying activity, which eludes me. I wonder if I have been overlooking some aspect of it."

Jim smirked as Spock continued, "As an individual with a scientific mind, it is only logical that I investigate this subject."

"Ah, yes of course! Inquiring minds need to know!"

Spock looked at Jim confused.

"Never mind. Listen, it's late so I think it's best we continue this discussion some other time, we both have an early morning after all!"

The two men walked to the entrance of Jim's quarters. The doors opened and Spock stepped out, but before he could get far Jim grabbed his arm and pulled him close enough to whisper in his ear.

"Here's your first lesson in sex - Anticipation. It's heaven and it's hell. But it makes it sooooo much better!"

Jim winked at Spock as the doors slid shut.


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Just don't ask me to draw diagrams!" Jim laughed, then looked up at Spock in mock-horror, "Oh god, you don't have diagrams do you?

Hilarious!

I demand you continue this NOW! Or at least.. tomorrow.

maybe i'll work on it tomorrow while i do laundry!
dirty clothes and dirty stories!!! hot!

Oh gosh I was cracking up! I cant wait for more of this! You are amazing!!!!

Jim froze in complete and utter shock

haha that line had me laughing hysterically, I could just picture the look on his face :D. Priceless.

"Here's your first lesson in sex - Anticipation"

lesson for fic as well! can't wait for more :)

i'm hoping to start the next chapter tonight...we'll see... :)

Oh my can I join this class?

Loved this!

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